As always I’m thinking about where my life is headed. Is it another dead end, or is there a white doorway to plenty of opportunities? These are questions that I think about everyday. I lay in bed restless and unsettled. Sometimes I feel as if I didn’t make the right decisions. I later on regret that, wishing I could go back in time to fix my mistakes. Whether they were little and made an impact or large but really had no impact. I would fix everything if I had the chance. I feel out of the ordinary, like people are watching. Is that normal? I hope so, because all I want to be is normal. And everything that I am is not normal. The only time when I am actually happy is when I’m drinking or doing something that is keeping me occupied. People say happiness will come, I don’t believe that. I don’t know what to believe. It’s even hard to trust friends, with all the drama and shit. You never know who will be talking shit behind your back, and actually doesn’t give a fuck about you. I try way to hard to make people happy. I need to learn how to not give a fuck.